What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 23.06.2025 01:50
I know ,a lot about trauma.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Why do men say women hit the wall at 24?
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I write beautiful poetry .
Why does a straight man like anal penetration?
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
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Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
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A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Was to survive, this bastard.
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Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
How likely is it to make a living out of being a window cleaner in a Nordic country?
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I will be 64.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
All the time i was locked up.
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Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I was seconnd youngest,
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
How long does it take to see results from drinking whey protein shakes?
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Especially a lifetime of it.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
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He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Repellat quod recusandae rerum adipisci deleniti.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
I waited trembling.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
My ex moved on so fast. How can I overcome the pain?
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
She was in good health!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I could never make a relationship work though!
I have no regrets .
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
As i do to all so called friends.?
The only rule us 5 kids had .
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
And i lived it daily.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Would this be the day?
It was going to be , some day.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I was scared of men, in general
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
He knew the spot.
Comes on , in middle age.
Who then, do I blame.?
So whats the point in blame.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Im still living with it.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
When she asked me how she looked .
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
This is soul school!.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
But, we were locked up after school.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
We all went to grammer schools
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Put me off passion for life!!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I think the readers, may guess!
Ive learnt so much.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
So, i spoilt her more .
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
My family never makes their pension either.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I said to her
But ive been too sick for many years..
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
What did i know ?
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Why did i forgive my father ?
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
He resisted the act ,that day.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
She loved him until the end.
I couldn’t, believe it.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
And who doesn’t know suffering?
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
My life is so biszare .
She wouldn,t have been !
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I don,t even have a pension.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I never cut or harmed myself..
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
But it wasn’t much.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I was 9 years of age.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
We were not on the streets..
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
She married twice! .
Where the ultimate outsiders.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I was very sick at this time too.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
One cannot live in the past .
She found it foreign!.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
(And it was in our own minds.)